a mosaic I created over my front entrance
the view from the west of my house. the grape vines have died back already, but here you can see my recently added wood shed packed with wood for the winter. I didnt think I would enjoy splitting wood, but its very satisfying.
the west interior of my house. Wood burning stove (I have only fired it twice so far this year), water filter (I drink rain water), treadle sewing machine (no electricity in my house), glowing bottles in a cob wall, my guitar in the lower corner (oh yea, I am teaching myself to play and have even written a few songs), rubber boots BC it gets quite muddy, and hand made rugs on the floor. Welcome to my cozy home.
I constructed a small 100% natural "structure" on the land I plan to squat. This wont keep me dry, warm, or safe from insects, but it feels warm and embracing when I crawl inside. It reminds me of being in a large basket. Also, none of the pics I took showed what I feel. This pic is of the north-west "wall." Yes, I know it just looks like a bunch of sticks.
We all change. Change happens weather you want it or not; whether you are aware of it or not. Sometimes we can control or guide the change and sometimes its not in our hands at all. Since living at dancing rabbit I have changed a good deal. I think for the most part I have enjoyed and appreciated my many transformations. I have acquired many levels of education that I was not taught in the "education system." I have learned how to grow my own food, forage for wild food, build a house, share emotions, communicate with others, work with people who dont always think the way I do...
I moved here wanting a community. When I lived in Florida I had a hard time interacting with individuals or small groups of people. I craved large groups and enjoyed surrounding myself with lots of people. In the past 31 months DR has grown to be a larger community and I have grown to enjoy one on one interactions and small groups. I used to attend every social event, potluck, group meeting. I used to organize events and parties regularly. Now I notice I often skip out on the large group get togethers. I dont attend movie nights, meetings, group meals, and even dance parties sometimes.
I have been wanting a sub community since deciding that DR felt like a good place to call home. I flirted with a few options when I first got here. I felt kinship with IronWeed community. I was a provisional member for a few months, but then their core group disbanded. In the past year I have formed a new sub community with 3 friends called Wabi-sabi (formally known as the Down there Beards). I felt like this was the track I wanted. I wanted a small group of friends to work with and share with. We began cooking and eating together in July. We designed a building and have dug the foundation and layed the drainage. We have preserved food for the winter and early spring. We have planned some of next years gardens. Now suddenly for the past month this hasnt felt right. Partially because we accepted a new member who I dont really want in the group, but perhaps partially because I want something else.
I have been fantasizing of my own place. A small homestead in the woods. I have begun to design this place on paper. I have scouted and found my location. It is not far from the DR village- perhaps a 15-20 min walk. What is this change? I want community, want to work with and live with others, to share and laugh with friends. Yet I also desire to have my own space, my own home away from others. Do I chose one, can I have both? Currently I plan on perusing both.
Other changes in my life that I can not control- the health of friends and family. One of my closest friends was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and has left the community for the time being in order to have better access to healthcare and her family. My father's memory is continuing to decline.
I dont know what I want from life. I am here. I am living it. I sometimes feel lost and alone. I dont know why I exist. What is the point. I am trying to live fairly simply. Have a small impact on the world. But by simply existing I am having an impact.
I used to be fun and smiles and full of sunshine. My joy has mellowed out and my spunk is on vacation. I am looking for something but I dont know where to find it, and even if my eyes run across it I may not recognize "it" as the thing I am looking for.
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